ON REPEAT: Debby Friday, Smerz, Clipse, Honningbarna, deep tan, Riley With Fire, Gelli Haha, cumgirl8, Tyler The Creator, Aqua

WHY DON'T YOU WANT MY CAKE?

The summer is winding down and I haven’t been posting much because I’ve been too busy sipping cocktails at the pool* to be bothered.

*watching YouTube videos in my house which has no pool, or even most ingredients to make a cocktail

Here are some of the songs I’ve been digging the last month or two and at two stories that happen to have one incident in common.

deep tan “Constant Inconsistencies”

I found this band I liked called deep tan. I tend to not google a band until I’ve heard them a bit and usually it’s when I start to write on this thing that I get the background. I don’t want some random detail to color a song a certain way.

Well I went down this weird Wiki wormhole the other night when I learned that Jeffrey Epstein was close to John Casablancas, Julian’s father that ran a modeling company and possibly connected him with young women…

Then I learned this agency was already embroiled with an alleged sex trafficking scandal with billionaire arms dealer Adnan Khashoggi, who was known as "The Great Gatsby of the Middle East” and browsed their lookbooks to add young women to his harem…

His father worked for the king of Saudi Arabia. His sister was author Samira Khashoggi who married businessman Mohamed Al-Fayed Dodi Fayed, the father of Dodi Fayed who died with Princess Diana (though the father claims they were killed by MI6 agents)…

His brother was the journalist Jamal Khashoggi, who was brutally killed by MBS and the Saudi government…

And then I was reading that Jamal Khashoggi went to school with Osama bin Laden before he was radicalized and was the only non-royal Saudi Arabian who knew of the royals' intimate dealing with al-Qaeda in the lead-up to the September 11 attacks. He became an enemy when he condemned it…

Then I began reading up on the entire bin Laden family, whose patriarch also worked for the king of Saudi Arabia. Osama’s brother is Yeslam bin Laden, who led the Geneva, Switzerland-based Saudi Investment Company…

And whose estranged daughter, Wafah Dufour, plays in a band with Celeste Guinness (of the brewing family) and French model Melia Beaudoin called deep tan.

Like I found this out, not by googling the band I have been listening to, but through two hours of 2am Wikipedia clicking. The song is certainly colored now, but I’m glad that is not how I first found out about the band. Of course, I don’t hold this against her. After all, it wasn’t her fault her uncle did 9/11.

Debby Friday “1/17”

Debby Friday sounds different every time I click the play button. This is a far cry from the electro hip-hop “bitchpunk” from a few years ago, or even the cold post-punk from just two years ago. She’s one of my favorites and can do no wrong!

Smerz “You Got Time and I Got Money”

Is this my song of the summer? I listen to this one like every day.

Clipse “Ace Trumpets”

This comment sums it up well:

If they think I'm going to listen to the same coke rap in 2025 as I did 20 years ago, they are absolutely correct

And this one:

Pusha T have me feeling like I need to protect my imaginary drug empire

Tyler, The Creator “Hot Wind Blows (feat. Lil Wayne)”

I got into this song from seeing this Toni Storm edit on Instagram. You know who Tyler is, but if you don’t know who “Timeless” Toni Storm is, you should jump on YouTube. The most entertaining wrestling character, maybe ever? Even if you don’t fuck with pro wrestling, you might like this one.

Quick recap of her story: Toni Storm was a great wrestler with a dull “rocker girl” gimmick for years, until a title loss to a friend caused her to crash out. She was reborn into a psychotic Norma Desmond-esque fallen film star (and her Max von Mayerling-esque butler) who throws shoes at announcers, exclusively speaks in “saucy” double entendre, and pauses before her big moves for her close-up. Some of the best details are glimpses at her twisted private life and her press conference shenanigans. Her faded glory was regained when she won the title again, as fans tossed roses and yelled “bravo” to rapturous applause. Also featured in the video was her younger understudy, Mariah May, who adopted her “rocker girl” persona and fawned over her until her big win caused her to bloody her idol, leading to another crash out, and a long feud capped off by a bloody Hollywood ending. She’s now the reigning World Champion and her act makes me laugh every week.

Honningbarna “Amor Fati”

This song rips. It’s kinda like if The Hives decided to make an IDLES record.

Riley With Fire “Bad”

Before Nourished By Time, there was Riley With Fire—recorded by Marcus Brown in a dorm room in Boston. This is the bio included:

Riley With Fire is Marcus Brown compartmentalizing his identity crises into 4 minute songs.

Gelli Haha “Bounce House”

Gelli Haha is the stage persona of Angel Abaya, who adopted a red-heavy color scheme, an aesthetic inspired by children’s television of yesteryear, trampolines, and wrapped it all up in something called the Gelliverse. This project immediately reminded me of another performance artist, Jennifer Vanilla—though it leans in more of a pop direction.

cumgirl8 “Something New”

A chiller tune from cumgirl8—actually this kinda sounds like Jennifer Vanilla!

lua trilogy & SUPERCOLLIDER “Emerald Eyes (A Medley of Sorts)”

Lua Trilogy is the name of a programming language, but by digging a bit deeper into Google results—also the name of a prolific teen musician from Texas.

THE GOLD STANDARD

Aqua “Barbie Girl”

Only really picking this one to tell a story that happened a few years before this song came out.

When I was a little boy I played with Barbie dolls. I found them in the garage, where my sister put them as a teenager. I didn’t have a father growing up, so there was nobody around to freak out about this, presuming that’s their fatherly duty. I knew it was “unusual” for boys to play with Barbie dolls, but I wasn’t going to the toy store and buying them, I was just working with what I had. They seemed the same size as my brother’s old G.I. Joe dolls and I was usually making up my own stories with them anyways. I was a woke little boy!

I guess I had an appreciation for Barbie dolls, in the same way I could, say, recite the TV Guide from memory. I was simply a shy, weird kid and this Barbie thing was not at the top of the list of unusual things I did. There weren’t a ton of kids near me growing up so this weirdness continued to brine in isolation throughout the 90’s.

I had friends in elementary school who were mostly boys, but the one friend I had at the bus stop was a girl. She was Egyptian, so let’s call her Cleopatra. I’d walk with her down the hill to her house, then walk home. This was maybe three minutes a day but it was my main extracurricular socializing.

One day, Cleopatra invited me to her birthday party. I had never been to a girl’s birthday party before. The party was filled with entirely girls and me. Already a bit shy, I knew this was going to be a hurdle. I also met her dad, who had a thick moustache and was intense. My memory of this man is kinda blurred with the “NO SOUP FOR YOU” guy from Seinfeld so just imagine that guy and his thick accent. I had a bad feeling about this guy.

So I’m sitting with a bunch of girls (ew) and I have very little to add to this group dynamic. Getting a lot of “why are you here?” energy. We went into her bedroom, where she pulled out her Barbie collection. “Finally! I can work with this,” I thought. I had something to contribute now, as I was not a novice at this activity. I was ready to shine.

Then, Cleopatra’s stern father walked in and was not happy to see a BOY playing with BARBIE DOLLS. He did not like this one bit. “BOYS SHOULD NOT PLAY WITH DOLLS, COME WITH ME.”

He made me leave the room, and he sat me down alone at the kitchen table. I fully remember this kitchen feeling like an interrogation room. Maybe he was trying to help. But I didn’t have a dad and didn’t have many friends. I was a sensitive boy just not used to dad energy, let alone moustache Egyptian Soup Nazi dad energy. He put a piece of cake in front of me. I didn’t want any cake, and he responded with, “WHY DON’T YOU WANT MY CAKE?” I froze. He continued to intimidate me. “I OFFER YOU CAKE AND YOU REJECT IT, THAT’S RUDE BEHAVIOR.”

I just freaked out and ran out the door. Thankfully, I lived 30 seconds away. My sister was surprised I left the party, and asked me what happened, and I was like, “Cleopatra’s dad tried to make me eat cake. He also had a moustache.” I guess she was just used to me being weird, and she was nice enough to go over and say I was feeling sick and had to go home, seeing that I was clearly shaken up from the whole non-incident.

But it stuck with me. For years, I remember the uneaten cake, the pile of dolls, and his giant moustache.

I fully stopped talking to Cleopatra out of embarrassment and took the other street home from the bus stop, partially because I was scared I’d see her dad and he’d try to force Oreos on me or something.

…

About ten years later, there was a hubbub in the neighborhood. Cleopatra’s dad was arrested on a trip to Egypt. He had a side business forging documents like passports and other IDs. And apparently, he had sold these documents to the 9/11 hijackers.

Mohammed El-Atriss, 46, admitted last month to running phony document mills in Paterson and Elizabeth that catered to illegal immigrants and brought in as much as $1,300 to $1,500 each day.

He admitted selling fake documents to Khalid Almihdhar, who was on the airliner that crashed into the Pentagon, and Abdulaziz Alomari, who was aboard one of the planes that hit the World Trade Center. But he emphasized he had no idea who they were or what they had in mind. El-Atriss continued to sell the bogus documents for 10 months after realizing he had sold them to two of the hijackers.

“Unfortunately, they turned out to be hijackers,” he said. “I regret what happened, but I don’t feel in any way that I am responsible for it.”

Hmm but you were, a little bit.

“He knew these guys were bad guys,” said Fred Ernst, a sergeant in the Passaic County Sheriff’s Department when he investigated el-Atriss. “He knew they weren’t there as tourists to see the Statue of Liberty.”

A naturalized U.S. citizen, el-Atriss continually insisted that he was not part of the 9/11 plot — and, in fact, openly condemned the attacks. But he felt he had been unfairly branded as a conspirator because of his unintended connection with the hijackers.

Look, while what he did was illegal, I can believe this man wasn’t doing anything intentionally bad. He mainly sold IDs to Mexicans and South Americans. He probably helped a lot of innocent, hard-working immigrants find an easier life.

I felt really bad for Cleopatra. She had to move to Egypt and leave her life in New Jersey behind and probably had to deal with a lot of bullshit and racism that she had nothing to do with. If we had stayed friends, maybe I would have been able to help.

But to this day, I firmly and apolitically decided to take the position of: “I told you I had a bad feeling about this guy. I’m glad I didn’t eat his blood money birthday cake. Barbies are a normal thing for little boys to be interested in!!!”

I don’t think he was a terrorist. But I do think he was a scary man with a big bushy moustache, and he could have been a little more chill about the birthday cake and the dolls. And in a way, that is a form of terrorism.

I remember my sister saw his picture pop up on the news. Like, not the local news, like, the world news. And she remembered the time when she talked to him after I ran home from the party. “You know, he was kinda scary.”

“WHY DON’T YOU WANT MY CAKE?”